Author Archives: Hernán Arán

About Hernán Arán

Making mediocre look good. Ish.

Search Engine Dreams

…And then the Tyrannosaurus stepped off its unicycle and blared, “You shall not pass!” – and Christmas was finally over. I live for the day someone stumbles upon this blog after googling the phrase above. The exact phrase. In the … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Acting like a couple of boobs

[Editor’s note: Leta has gained some weight. It looks great on her. It does wonders for her chestiness. She still wants to lose some weight, though, so I thought I’d help her in the best way I can. …And the … Continue reading

Posted in Love Means Never Having to Say 'Your Sense of Humor Is Fucked Up", The Only People Who Get Us Are Us | Leave a comment

Stories I hope someday I’m good enough to write about

Between the idea and the story there’s a sea of uncertainty and typos, an abyss that can swallow you whole like the Star Wars desert vagina, a pit of lava with fire tigers swimming in it, a flock of hysterical … Continue reading

Posted in Ramblings | Leave a comment

Why I Just Wish Everyone Stopped Smiling, Dammit

Being away from your loved one for an extended period of time seems to have profound effects on your psyche. I know that now – I’m living proof. The examples are plentiful and varied: For some reason, I only fall … Continue reading

Posted in Corny, Moping | Leave a comment

To Kill A Monday

Monday. It’s Monday. It’s Monday and I have to go to work. It’s Monday and I don’t want to wake up, but I have to, because for some stupid reason when I was kid I decided I was going to … Continue reading

Posted in Ramblings | Leave a comment

Tiny Eulogy For A Big Fish

Today I’ve lost a friend, one I hadn’t met yet, one I was hoping to meet soon. One of those future friends who are so special that when someone describes them, you just know you’re going to click. Leta, my … Continue reading

Posted in Goodbye | Leave a comment

Levels of Intimacy

I am now going to tackle the relative importance of farting in the construction of a long-lasting, loving couple. I do this knowing that I risk turning this little blog into a big scatological joke, but I have no choice … Continue reading

Posted in Love Means Never Having to Say 'Your Sense of Humor Is Fucked Up", scatological | Leave a comment